How To Know Its Time To Let Go.

Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships or friendships that leave a bitter taste in our mouth. The whole weight of the relationship is on us. We are the ones trying to call, text, mail or ping. The other party is dormant. At this time we become emotionally bankrupt especially if the friendship meant something to us. We begin to ask questions. Where exactly did I go wrong? Probably because of shared experiences or memories, we are hesitant to let go. So we hold on and tolerate the friendship and that further zaps the little life in us. Until gradually it begins to dawn on us that the whole relationship is dead; the funeral rites are just too expensive for both parties.

A few weeks ago when @orefakorede on twitter asked a pertinent question, “how do you know when its time to let go of something or someone?”

I replied “when you are tired of it all or when you have found something better.”

To be sincere, letting go of some friendships can be expensive. However the bitterness that comes with holding on to such friendships is more expensive.

If you find yourself in such situations, you need to run some friendship diagnosis.

1. Ascertain there is no problem or life challenges facing your friend. It will be bad of you to desert your friend in times of needs. You can do this by visiting him/her.

2. Intensify your efforts at making the friendship work. If it does bounce back, you’ll be happy for it. If it doesn’t, you’ll know you have tried your best.

When you have tried all the above and nothing is happening,
it is only right to take a leaf from Robert Greene’s the 48 laws of power #16. “Use absence to increase respect.”

What you should do is just gradually excuse yourself from the friendship activities you engage in. if you call him three times daily, reduce it to two. If she is observant, she will notice the distance. If she doesn’t, increase the distance, reduce the calls to once daily. By using this law, two things will happen.

    1. If the other party is observant, s/he will notice the distance on your part and try to reach out.
    2. There is no response from the other party and the friendship dies a natural death.

When (1) happens, its a good sign that both parties are committed to the friendship but when (2) happens, *sighs* boy you’d better seek new friendship opportunities. Move on with your life. Like I said in this post, ” just because someone fits your idea of a friend today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow.

Have a wonderful week.
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Join the conversation on twitter follow @phemyte.

Relationships: Of Nurseries, Crutches and Scaffolds,

nursery

As a graduate of agriculture, the nursery always fascinates me because of the important role it plays in the development of certain crops. Some plants need absolute care at the beginning of their lives, that’s why we raise them in nurseries. At the nursery, the condition is controlled and survival of the crop depends on the care it receives in the nursery. After a while, the crops need to be moved to the field for further growth. During this period of their lives, they need to leave the shelter and comfort zones of the nursery pots to continue their lives. If not, the nursery pot continues to limits the growth of the plants.

While the nursery starts its job in the early phase of life, the crutches and scaffoldings come much later. The crutches provide support in trying times. It offers us hope and aid when we fall. The scaffolding on the other hand, helps in the beautification of our lives. No matter how helpful the scaffolding has been, it has to give way for the beauty of the house to be revealed.

crutch 3d

One of the hardest things for us to accept is that some people are not meant to be in our lives forever. Of course some people “may” be with us for life, (wives, parents etc.) but some people are just in our lives for a season. Some are meant to mentor us, help us through trying times etc. but not for life. It does not mean they are not good or we can’t be friends anymore. No matter how wonderful or helpful they are, there is always a time for them to go. The tragedy is that we become too dependent on them, and if they do not move on from our lives they begin to limit us. We have to be knowledgeable enough to know when someone’s part in our life is over. We need to realize that when a door closes, another one opens. And sometimes, it could be a window, so jump. The problem is that we often look so long at closed doors that we fail to notice open windows.

scaffolds

As we start a new year, some relationships are going to fall off you like scales.
don’t fret. Often times it’s not because they are bad people, they’ve just served their purposes. Their reason is done, their season is over. You don’t need someone to constantly think for you, believe for you etc. you can do these things by yourself. It’s time for you to start that business on your own, start that class. Once in a while, some people may appear in your life, who really are God sent. You have to remember that, If you are to continue to grow, you need to get rid of the crutches. And what better way to start than in the new year? Do have a wonderful new year!