#FLASHFICTION : STRANGE BEDS EPISODE 2

{STRANGE BEDS EPISODE 2}

I must have dozed off watching that movie. I felt a thud on my scantily covered torso. My host tossed a wad of #500 notes on me.

I rubbed my eyes with the back of my left hand and picked the wad of cash with the other.

He was fully dressed and ready to go. He bent over and kissed my temple.

“I’ll see you soon” he said holding my gaze, then he left.

I counted the money in my hand #50,000 naira. A smile played on my lips. We’ll surely see soon.
Meanwhile, I need to freshen up and get out of here before that “son of a whore” comes knocking.

Running into the bath tub, I soaked myself in the hot vapor of the shower and scrubbed my body. Scrubbing is just a ritual, no matter how long or hard I scrub, I can’t seem to get off the sweat, stench and hands of different men off me. The filth is psychological. As I scrubbed, memories of the last romp filtered into my mind. My host was a little bit composed this time. I guess the booze has cleared from his system. He took his time to touch me in a few right places, though not for long. I began to touch my self. My thought sailed to Andy. He’s the only one that elicits this kind of response from my body. I think its time to pay him a visit. He should be back from Abuja. I got out of the tub and daubed my body with a towel. Time to get out of this rat hole. I’ll put a call through to Andy as I leave. I opened the bathroom door and there he was, perched like a bird watching the earthworm wriggle out of its hole; ready to devour its prey.

Bitrus the hotel manager was sitting on the bed. Yes that “son of a whore”…

*************

“Hello pretty, how market? I can see the god of fortune smiled on you today.” Bitrus said; waving the wad of notes my host had paid me.

Holy Crap! I had carelessly dropped it on the bed as I hastened to take my shower.

“Give me that, you bastard.” I said as I rushed at him. He was quick to dodge me and I fell on the bed, right beside him.

Bitrus pinned me with his broad frame and yanked off the towel on me.

“You will pay for this you bastard.”
I muttered under his heavy frame.
Without hesitation he took me right there. I lay helpless and started crying.

With a loud grunt which signified his come, he rolled off me. Bitrus dropped the wad of notes beside me and left the room grinning sheepishly.
I grabbed the money he dropped and counted #20,000. Tears flooded my face all over. That “son of a gun” has made away with #30,000 naira. With blurry eyes I hurriedly packed my belongings and left the room.

Once I left the premises of the hotel, I trekked a few metres from the gate to get a cab. A black primera parked beside me asking where I was headed to.

“Challenge?” I said. “E wole (enter)” the driver replied. I hopped into the front seat and wiped the tears off my face.

“I no get change O, I just dey start work.” The driver told me. I nodded.

The driver sped off like he was on the cast of “fast and furious”. I looked at him quizzically and he smiled.

“Oga no be Lagos Express way we dey O, why you dey speed like this now?” I asked hysterically.

Just then a hand with a white handkerchief emerged from behind and gagged me….

To be continued.

********

STRANGE BEDS © 2014
Obafemi Fawibe
@phemyte

FLASH FICTION : STRANGE BEDS EPISODE 1

EPISODE 1

I looked at him sprawled on the bed, snoring away like a belabored train climbing a hill. His pot belly sagged to the sides. With my left hand I picked my Blackberry to check the time. It was 2am, two more hours to go. What would I do for the next two hours? Sleep evaded me. On nights like this I’m always at war with sleep.

I answered a few pings. Posh FerrarI ̷̐ replied my pings almost immediately.

” Babe how far na? U no sleep? Ur bobo no let U rest abi? Sure babe.”

“Sure babe for where?” I replied. “The useless old fool slept off after the 2nd round. I’ve been literarily counting the ceiling since then.

“Wow, lazy bones. Same here but this one wan kee me. He’s been on me since we hit the room last night.” Said posh.

“Really? Make he no kee U. Abi he use drug ni?” I asked.

“Na so babe, he’s a stud, he must be d’banjs uncle. “Mr Endowed”. He’s just too brutal about it. He just dey pound me like person wey dey pound yam”.

“Take am sofri O! And make sure he rewards U handsomely.”

“I gotta go babe, he’s up again. ;'( ttyl”

“Choi! see gobe, *smh4U* Ur own don meet U. Work hard for Ur money babe Ttyl.”

Men and their fetish desires. I thought to myself. They do all they can with us. Those secret things they can’t try with their wives at home. They prowl the nights like a roaring lion, seeking whom to devour. I don’t blame them though.

They pay for it and we must fill their orders. Nothing goes for nothing.
I checked the time again, 2:45 am.

I stepped into the loo to take a pee.

“These stupid hotels” I cursed under my breath. “They have not fixed the flush handle for the past one month.”

Only God knows what they do with the money they make.

Same with High End Hotels after the round about. Majority of their air conditions are faulty. I went back to bed startling my host, who roused from his slumber and pulled me closer. The stench of alcohol oozed as he yawned. I held my breath.

***************
Its not easy being me, I grace strange beds, with strange fellows, fulfilling strange desires. It’s the life I live to make ends meet. Besides the economic rewards, there’s nothing else to enjoy. No matter how steamy each session is, the beds are always cold. The sensuality is dulled. Oftentimes, I fake climaxes, pain and pleasure just to impress the randy goats pummeling away.

Sometimes its scary and very risky. I feared for my life when I heard the Soka incident in Ibadan. Who would believe such a place could exist for over ten years on that boisterous expressway? The gory sight of skulls and bones nauseated me. I imagine how many ladies of the night would have gone missing and ended in such places. But what can I do?

“God forbid bad thing in jesus name.” I murmured to myself.
“I will not end up in Soka or any other ritualist den.”

Jesus? God? Did I just say those? I’m sure they don’t approve of my actions now. On the other hand, didn’t Jesus say he came for sinners like me? And if my sins are as red as crimson, he’ll make me white as snow. Then I better get dirty, the redder the better. But isn’t that an abuse of “Grace”? *sigh*

More confused than when I started, I decided to watch the latest episode of “Scandal” I downloaded yesterday. I should pass time with that. I love Olivia Pope a lot. She understands that life is “give and take”, there’s no free lunch; even in freetown. You have to use what you have to get what you need.” The only difference between olivia & I is that she’s with the president. I hope I’ll get there one day. Until then, I can’t wait to get out of this cold bed. Not before I cash my virtual check though ;). So I better get to work.

**********
STRANGE BEDS © 2014
Obafemi Fawibe
@phemyte

#DearFutureWife: I Am a Die-hard Arsenal Fan.

LETTER TO THE FUTURE MRS By Biodun Owojaiye

Dear future wife,
I write you this missive at this point in time partly because I am inspired to do so and partly because I was ordered to, albeit subtly by a highly revered ‘bros’. Left to me, I would have written this letter next year, but I already gave my word to this bros that I’d pen you one before long. I have thought about you severally, believe it or not, even though I cannot readily pick out your face or identify you. What then have I been thinking of? Well, it will suffice to say here that my thoughts have been dominated the values I would want you to hold and the attributes I would love you to have as it concerns the spiritual, the moral, the intellectual, the emotional, the social as well as the physical. Yes you read that right! The physical!!! I won’t attempt to mock you by saying it doesn’t matter. It does, by all means, it does. I have yet to see a scenario where the heart loved what the eyes didn’t appreciate. On this foundation, I can say that I know the qualities you possess and the ones you don’t regardless of the fact that you remain unknown to me.

As a young boy, I wondered how married people who have long tied the nuptial knots manage to stay together for years. I tried to know what they get to talk about during all the time they spend together. As a teen, I asked my mother who already loves you without knowing you and who I am sure you will love and will have no problem getting along with why married folks don’t get bored. She simply replied that couples who marry as friends don’t get bored. What a response it was. For my light years then, the message sunk in well. I don’t get tired of my male friends. How much more you, my lovely female friend? Ruminating over this now, I am tempted to think I can unravel your identity but since there are no hard and fast rules as it concerns this, the matter will be allowed to rest.

ON MY EXPECTATIONS
You are not perfect. I don’t even want you to come to me perfect. If you are, I would be utterly useless having no value whatsoever to add and you would have no need of me. What then is the purpose of marriage? In the same vein, I am not quite the finished article yet but you can hold firm to this; I am someone who tries. Areas that need to be improved in my life are and will be given the required attention, the same approach I believe you employ. Our relationship as man and wife should be complementary, this is a view I have come to imbibe from watching my own parents. First of all, I will take care of myself for you as you would take care of yourself for me. That way, you will complement me, I will complement you. This is as good as it gets.

By God I hope you have a great sense of humor. I come from a home where funny but not vulgar people abound and if there is anything I want replicated in my own home it is the easy going and humorous ambience I grew up in. We should always have time to share a laugh or two. Such an environment is a needed if we will thrive in all areas of our lives, not to mention how important it will be to the children when they arrive. Our home should always be a place that calls out to us whenever we are away. I hope that with your fantastic sense of humor comes a very low nagging coefficient. It is not a crime to say all women nag some merely over do it. It is of these kinds that King Solomon said living alone in a corner of a roof is better than living with. The very low nagging coefficient is simply short-lived and pleasant nagging. A woman who doesn’t nag at all is fast becoming a man.

I expect we would have just two kids (hope this is fine by you?) and then proceed to give them the very best we can, legally. I don’t subscribe to the idea of having a litter of kids who will be deprived in any way. You sure are well aware that training up a child is much more difficult than people would readily admit particularly these days when the society’s moral fabric is at its thinnest. Raising children goes beyond been financially able, the emotional requirement and commitment must also be factored in. The derelicts and public nuisances of today, if their past is thoroughly investigated, usually have suffered one form of lack or the other while growing up. I’m lured to say it’s more of emotional inadequacy than financial inadequacies that allows these deviants too get so lost. Begetting a dyad should also prove to be of help as you seek to maintain your trim figure after childbirth. Another side benefit of having just two kids is that if the Almighty permits, we will finish raising them early enough. Our late years wouldn’t be spent scolding and tracking teenagers. There are many other advantages but this is beginning to look like a political campaign therefore, I will let the matter be until I hear from you concerning this.

WHAT’S HAPPENING PRESENTLY
Married people are supposed to tell each other anything and everything so I will at this juncture move on to sundry issues that I have been discussing with a few friends. If our marriage is going to last we better start discussing the other issues that seem not so inconsequential.
The first would be the craze of young parents giving their children foreign names. While this is not a new development as parents have been doing this for many years, it has reached new heights now and this is very hilarious. It used to be a mixture of religious names and other ‘home-made’ names that infants were named in times past. Some Yoruba kids these days don’t even have Yoruba names. What happened to our indigenous names? Seems to me these names are going out of vogue, the very way our values as a society are.
Do Europeans give their children African names? This reeks of inferiority complex on the part of our people. I don’t expect many people to accept this logic and I certainly don’t intend to reform anyone but you can be sure I won’t toe that line. It is perceived in some quarters to be a form of modern day colonization, which may seem a little extreme, but it isn’t far too far from the truth. It would be fantastic to hear your take on this.

Secondly, dear future Mrs, I am a die-hard Arsenal fan. Now, as a team we have not won any major trophy for almost a decade except low-end shields like the Emirates Cup and the Audi Cup. Despite this big challenge and monumental shortcoming, I have remained a fan. I declared my allegiance to the team in the early glory years of Arsene Wenger, years before the era of the Invincibles (my team went a whole season unbeaten, can you believe that?) and when the going became tough with trophies hard to come by, I didn’t jump ship. The trophy drought has not eroded my loyalty. This season, we are hoping we can turn the situation around and win a Cup, and silence our critics once and for all. Thus far it looks realizable, except for a member of our squad who seems to be working against the interest of the team. He may be doing this unconsciously as he puts on the same jersey as the other ten players, but when a striker refuses to bury glittering chances in the back of the net every matchday, I begin to see him as a saboteur. His name is Olivier Giroud. Based on his performance thus far, it’s safe to say he is all brawn and no brain, just like Brown Ideye of the Nigerian national football team. I hope he improves for the sake of our team. It doesn’t matter whether you like football or not, but I hope you’re not averse to me telling you things such as this.
It must be said that I have deliberately left out issues that border on love, religion, career and romance. My future letters upon receipt of your own letter, will address the other areas that need to be looked into.

Affectionately yours,
Your Future Hubby.

P.S: If I am not looking in your direction, You can follow me on twitter @laolualasiki, I’ll take the process from there *winks*

Understanding The Flow of Money 2

Money Flows Away From Problems To solutions.

“This is one of the rules of money, that money will always flow from problem to solution i.e money will flow from the hungry man who has a problem of hunger to the food seller (iya-basira) who has the solution to hunger.”

In my last article on this topic, we discussed the rules of money, who changed the rules of money, why was it changed, when was it changed, why is money referred to as currency etc. If you have not read it please do so here to have a quick refresher course. I remember ending that article by saying this “to understand the flow of money and put it to your advantage, you need to direct the flow of your money/currency to move from assets to assets as fast as possible” and one of the ways you can do that is to
“Acquire assets that produce [good] cash flow e.g. profitable business ventures.” I proceeded further to say that “Doing so will ensure that your money is not just tied down in a savings account but it is moving as a current is supposed to. It will ensure that your money is not under yielding at 3% p.a when it could be yielding at least, 50 % p.a in a well managed, profitable business.”

Well, starting a business requires quite a lot of diligence and effort. So many people set out to start businesses they have no idea about or just because everyone is into recharge card printing for example doesn’t mean you should also.

Before you rush out to start a business, you really need to understand the directional flow money. Yes! The flow of money. What does this mean you ask? The flow of money means the direction to which money is flowing. You remember I said money is a current in my previous article ehn? That’s right. Money is a current and it flows. If it doesn’t, it loses its value.
Understanding this helps you to position yourself in the direction in which money is flowing. There are two directional flows of money
It’s just like a two lane express way.
Money either flows:

1. Away from you or
2. Towards you.

The directional lanes of the flow of money is labeled “problems and solutions”. This is one of the rules of money, that money will always flow from problem to solution i.e money will flow from the hungry man who has a problem of hunger to the food seller (iya-basira) who has the solution to hunger.

This is evident in businesses and even individuals. The money that flows towards you is the reward for solving a particular problem. Whether as a salaried worker, a contractor or a business man.
The money that flows away from you is the cost of a problem you have not been able to solve. For example, when you fall sick and visit the doctor who treats you to make you hale and hearty, you pay his consultancy fees and cost of treatment. You have to pay him because he was trained to solve that particular problem of saving peoples lives from diseases and sicknesses.

The question you need to ask your self after reading this article is this:

Is money flowing towards you or going away from you?

The point is that as human beings, money is always flowing towards us and away from us simultaneously. What you need to do is to re- position yourself from the problem direction where money is leaving to the solution direction where money is flowing . That is the mind of an entrepreneur. They look at the problem the way everybody does but think and see differently.
The secret is just that for some people, more money flows away than it flows towards them. Money will always flow away from everyone that constantly has a problem that needs to be solved. Now who doesn’t have problems? Everyone has problems that needs solving, but some people have more solutions than problems. Such is the case of Aliko Dangote Africa’s richest man. More money flows towards him than away from him. This man has investments in cement, fast moving consumer goods (FMCG) such as sugar, salt, fruit juice, indomie, spaghetti, haulage and plans are underway to build a refinery in Nigeria. Oh My God! Tell me why he won’t be africa’s richest man.

Africa's Richest Man

Africa’s Richest Man

I remember him joining twitter a few months back and within the space of two hours, his follower count rose to 3000+. Today as I publish this article it stands at 52, 223 with just seven tweets and he follows 10 people. That is the life of a solution provider. Its not about how loud or how much you talk, its about how valuable your words are and what problems your actions solve.

Are you problem oriented or solution oriented? What problems are you solving? To use the rules of money to your advantage, you need to position yourself in the direction to which money flows .

Selah.

~ @phemyte

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How To Use #Twitter to Land A Job of Your Dream in Nigeria

Twitter.com/phemyte

Twitter.com/phemyte

If you are job seeker and you don’t know what twitter is, or how to use it as a job search tool, you must be from the stone age.

Twitter is an such amazing site and I love it because of its freshness. As a social media enthusiast/strategist, I get a lot of ideas from twitter, up to date information, instant response and breaking news etc. In fact I’m fond of saying, if its not on twitter, its not news. However, these are not the only things twitter is used for.

As a job seeker, twitter is a place to explore for career opportunities. This is because employers know they can reach a wider audience on the site. Various blogposts abound on the net on how to use twitter for your job search. But very few go beyond, profile tweaking with certain keywords and hash tags. While these may help, a job seeker needs to do more than profile tweaks and interconnected social platforms. This article aims to introduce the job seeker to practical surefire tips on landing the desired job via twitter.

Twitter Search.
Twitter search is an excellent tool for job seekers. If you are really serious about your job search, this tool should be your best friend.

Job search Keywords.
For job seekers on twitter, you need to understand the power of keywords. Keywords are specific words that describe what you are looking for. An example of a keyword is “vacancies”. Typing “vacancies” in twitter search brings up various tweets with the word vacancies in them. Although vacancies is a broad keyword and will only bring tweets with vacancies in them. You can narrow down your search with other keywords or phrases to streamline your search. To get these keywords or phrases, you need to think like an employer. What vocabularies would an employer use? If you were seeking to employ, what words would you use? Exactly! Employers use words like vacancies, employment opportunities, etc. These are the exact words you need to use as search queries.

You can also refine your search to your taste. You can refine searches by location, career etc
For example if you are looking for a job in lagos. You can type “employment opportunities + lagos.”

Job opportunities + location